Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
