ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
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