mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I am one with the molecules
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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