I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
