His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
