I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He shit in the fireplace
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
