I cut my penus on the lid.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
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