Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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