so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
