i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
