She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
