we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
