Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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