hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
