When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
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Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
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My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting