She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.