smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.