As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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