he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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