I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just cropdusted the office
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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