I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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