apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
