just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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