so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
