sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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