I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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