I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
