She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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