Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
