I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
