I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
