What did we do last night that was yellow?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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