just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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