I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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