You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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