Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
