I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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