you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
