Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Floor bacon is actually really good
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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