So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
