i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
