My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
there was a trapeze. enough said
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think your dad took our porno
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
