He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Randomize