am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
