I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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