If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
