Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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