There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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