its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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