His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
