While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Mom said you looked used
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize