i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
