i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
