i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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