i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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