You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
