FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
