Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
