I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
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