I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
