you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The Olympian is in my bed
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
