So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
