out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
