peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
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I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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