I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
