I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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