i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
