no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
