this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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