well I can't set my house on fire every night
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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