My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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