She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
