fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
