she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's blow job season.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
