i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize