your room smells of hookers.
And success
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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